Aspen Counseling Services
Call (801) 449-0017
  • Home
  • Therapists
    • Kristina Holley, LCSW, Clinical Director
    • Kenzi Adams, LCSW
    • Lindsay Adams, LCSW
    • Roy Bickel, LCSW
    • Matt Bradley, LMFT
    • Ryan Cooper, CSW
    • KaeCee Kingsley, CMHC
    • Charlene Lenkart, CMHC
    • Danna Lindemann, LCSW
    • Attica Schmidt, CMHC
    • Tom Shults, LCSW
    • Tim Waters, ACMHC
  • Schedule/ Fees
  • Specialties
    • Children
    • Adolescents
    • Women Specific Issues
    • Marriage Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Workshops >
      • Male Youth Pornography Addiction Workshop
    • Tests/Assessments
  • Contact Us
  • Blog

7 Types of Pain Directly Linked to Your Emotions

9/21/2017

0 Comments

 
Published by Kim Saeed on PsychCentral

When we feel emotionally balanced, our bodies reflect this positive feeling, too.

Positive emotions such as contentment or satisfaction tell our brains to release positive chemicals such as serotonin or dopamine to make our bodies feel good.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

When we find ourselves in a less-than-positive emotional state, this mental anguish can express itself throughout our bodies. For example, our brains release toxic levels of cortisol when we’re exposed to long-term physical, mental, or emotional stress. Our brain chemistry gets burnt-out and our bodies reflect this in physical ways.

The type of pain linked to high levels of cortisol or adrenal fatigue is easy for most people to identify, but emotional stress can express itself physically in many ways. For many people, chronic emotional stress just feels normal. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re in an unbalanced emotional state until we start examining our physical pain and attempt to determine its source.

Do you have chronic headaches or a kink in your back you just can’t seem to shake? Have you already tried everything medically available but the pain just won’t go away? You could be looking in the wrong places.

Many types of pain are directly linked to our emotions. Once we identify what’s causing the pain, we can start healing from the inside out.

What is Psychosomatic Pain?

Psychosomatic pain is a disorder characterized by chronic and physical symptoms with no apparent medical explanation. The term is derived from the word psyche referring to our mental state and soma which means body. Consider also that the word pain comes from the Latin word poena which means “penalty.” So psychosomatic pain is a specific type of physical pain triggered by our psychological state.

As the current of an emotion travels along our neural pathways, it triggers a release of chemical proteins called neuropeptides.  Each emotion has its own individual frequency and, simultaneously, releases a corresponding receptor active peptide [1].  The late Dr. Candace B. Pert, author of Molecules of Emotion, wrote about how unprocessed emotions in the body actually become stuck, thereby affecting a person’s entire system.

Negative emotions and negative thoughts have a different energetic frequency than positive emotions and thoughts. Because of that, they can distort the organs, tissues, and cells that surround wherever they’re stored in the body.

Our bodies literally punish us for putting them through stressful emotional experiences. Unfortunately, negative emotions might not even be our own fault, but our bodies can’t tell the difference. Long-term emotional abuse or childhood neglect can manifest in chronic psychosomatic pain through no fault of our own.

Likewise, minor emotional inconveniences can also express themselves throughout our bodies in different forms of pain. The pain can last for years and even spread from one part of our body to another. We often won’t find a physical explanation or successful pharmaceutical treatment because there simply isn’t one.

It’s important to understand that the term “psychosomatic” doesn’t mean that pain or discomfort are ‘all in your head’, but rather that the symptoms result from brain function and chemistry.

Our minds and bodies work dualistically [2]. Mental pain can directly cause nerve damage and other physical pain. Fortunately, we can also harness our minds to relieve physical pain, as well.

If you’ve experienced physical maladies with no medical explanation in sight, it may be time to consider healing from the inside out through targeting and healing negative emotions and unprocessed emotional trauma.

7 Common Types of Pain That Are Directly Linked to Your Emotional State

1 – Headaches and Migraines

Most chronic headaches and migraines are triggered by the daily stresses of life. Generalized anxiety also causes headaches. Repressed (bottled-up) emotions surrounding stress — such as anxiety, worry, drama, and fatigue — can increase muscle tension, and dilated (widened) blood vessels can make a migraine worse. 

An interesting trigger of the contemporary headache may be associated with the company we keep. For example, do you notice a tension headache when your abusive partner arrives home? Does your frontal headache show up around the time your narcissistic boss shows up to work?

If you’ve experienced headaches or have been medically diagnosed with migraines that weren’t part of your life before entering a toxic relationship or ongoing stressful situation, your emotions may be the root cause.

2 – Neck and Shoulder Pain

As stress starts to accumulate in our minds and bodies, the first place it typically manifests physically is in our shoulders and neck. Chronic neck and shoulder pain often arise from trying to carry the weight of the world on one’s shoulders, an inability to let go of a person or situation, or the inability to forgive.

3 – Back Pain

The emotional link to back pain depends on the area.  The factors to consider are as varied as each person is, but the most salient include:

Physical stress to the lower back
Sedentary jobs
Lack of exercise
Untended psychological issues
Depression, anxiety
Coping mechanisms, how you deal with stress
Before agreeing to invasive measures to treat your back pain, try psychological therapy and alternative healing modalities to see if they help.

4 – Abdominal Pain

Emotional stress wreaks havoc [4] on our digestive system. Long-term depression, anxiety, or PTSD can cause irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic ulcers, and general discomfort. Many stomach disorders indicate a failure to “stomach” a person or a situation which you dread or cannot tolerate. It can also mean that it’s difficult for you to deal with a person or situation that contradicts your plans, habits, or lifestyle. This may cause you to inwardly criticize yourself, preventing you from letting go of the situation.

5 – Menstrual Pain

That time-of-the-month is always painful, sure. But if a woman’s menstrual cycles become overly painful or she develops chronic conditions, her emotions could be the real culprit.

As women, when we refuse to embrace the difficult or unpleasant emotions inside of us, when we deny the shadow sides of our personalities, or when we hold negative beliefs about ourselves as women, various menstrual problems may manifest and can even trigger or exasperate endometriosis [5] and uterine fibroids.

6 – Pain in the Extremities

Pain or stiffness in our hips might indicate fear of going forward in major decisions or feeling there’s nothing to move forward to. Are you trying to avoid moving on from a past experience or state? Knee pain, stiffness or inflexibility may reflect rigidity in your perception of the future. It occurs more often in those who are unable to bend to new ideas, such as the idea of a different life. Pain in our arms might represent the incapacity and inability to hold the experiences of life.

7 – All-Over Pain Including Fibromyalgia

Our bodies sometimes utilize widespread musculoskeletal pain as a defensive tool to distract our minds from chronic emotional repression or imbalance. If you’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and medical treatments just aren’t working, consider thoroughly evaluating your emotional state.

3 Easy Ways to Start Healing

Counseling or Group Therapy
Over long periods of time, negative emotions can start to feel “normal.” If you aren’t sure where to start, talking to a therapist can help identify some areas to improve. Support groups can also provide dynamic feedback in a safe environment.

Yoga and Meditation
Many studies show that developing a yoga and meditation routine can reduce symptoms of anxiety or depression and help us move towards a more-balanced emotional state.

Communicating and Understanding Your Emotions
Sometimes we repress our emotions which, over time, leads to psychosomatic pain. Developing better communication skills can help us express our emotions properly so they don’t create an unnecessary burden on our bodies. If you are in a situation or relationship where you aren’t able to express yourself or your emotions, it may be time to consider ways to detach so you can move forward into emotional and physical healing.

Our emotions are often directly linked to our physical ailments. By identifying and treating our negative mental state, we can properly heal our bodies from the inside out.


0 Comments

Lessons Our Emotions Can Teach Us -- and How We Can Learn

8/25/2015

0 Comments

 
Published by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. on PsychCentral


Many of us dismiss our emotions. We think of them as capricious and inconvenient. We think they stall problem-solving. We think they take too much time to process, and we don’t have the luxury of simply sitting and stewing.

If we grew up in a home where emotions were vilified or regularly suppressed, where good girls didn’t get angry and good boys didn’t cry, we might've adopted the same views and habits of repressing ourselves.

But “emotions communicate invaluable insights to us,” said Katie Kmiecik, LCPC, a psychotherapist at Postpartum Wellness Center in Hoffman Estates, Ill. She thinks of emotions as signs on the highway of life. “People who pay attention to these ‘signs’ lead happier lives. People who ignore their emotional signs may end up ‘lost.’”

According to Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, a psychotherapist in Sharon, Ontario, Canada, “emotions always serve a function.” They give us information about a situation, and motivate us to act, she said.

For example, “anger motivates us to try to change a situation to make it more to our liking.” Fear motivates us to fight, flee or freeze in a situation that may be dangerous or life-threatening, she said.

The best approach to take with our emotions is to “acknowledge, accept, and learn from them,” Kmiecik said.

Below are other lessons emotions can teach us, along with insight into what to do when emotions lead us astray and how to listen to our emotions.

Anger

Anger actually isn’t one emotion, Kmiecik said. Instead, it’s a symptom of other emotions, such as sadness, insecurity and fear, she said.

“For example, a parent who is waiting on a teen who is out past curfew will experience anger with underlying fear [and] betrayal.”

When we understand that other emotions accompany anger, we can handle situations authentically, Kmiecik said. “We can express and acknowledge the fear, sadness, or betrayal in a more productive way.”

Frustration

Frustration may communicate that you’re being stifled or unheard or you’re internalizing your feelings, said Tracy Tucker, LCSW, a psychotherapist at Clinical Care Consultants in Arlington Heights, Ill. For instance, you become frustrated as you’re trying to express your thoughts to someone, and they keep cutting you off, she said.

Fear

In addition to motivating us to navigate potentially risky situations, fear communicates we’re unprepared for something and what we need to do in order to handle it, Kmiecik said.

“For example, a woman about to become a mother may be fearful about the unknown [of] childbirth. This may lead her to do proactive things to minimize her fear, such as to do research, ask her doctor questions, and get emotional support from people around her.”

Envy

According to Van Dijk, “the original function of envy was to motivate us in our pursuit of resources to help us survive, as well as in terms of reproduction.” While it doesn’t serve the same survival functions today, she said, envy still motivates us. It drives us to set goals and to strive for them.

Inherently, envy isn’t a comfortable or pleasant emotion, she said. But we often deepen our discomfort with our own judgments, such as: “It’s not fair that I’ve worked so hard and don’t have what he has.”

What helps is to acknowledge the situation as it is so you can see what your envy is trying to tell you without experiencing the same level of anger or letting it stop you from acting effectively. As Van Dijk said, you might adjust the previous thought to: “I don’t like the fact that I’ve had to work so hard and I don’t feel I’ve gotten as far as I could have.”

“We acknowledge the emotion of envy is there, we recognize what it is that we want that we don’t currently have, and we can think about how we can get closer to that goal.”

Happiness

Happiness might communicate that you’re in the present savoring the moment, Tucker said. “If one wins an award, they are able to be present in the moment and … be proud of their accomplishment instead of immediately switching focus to what’s next.”

“If one is able to be aware of and in the now, positive experiences and events such as a promotion at work or the reaching of a milestone can be enjoyed and celebrated,” she said.

Sadness

Sadness may tell us that we’ve experienced a loss and are experiencing some grief, Tucker said. This may mean “the loss or death of anyone or anything, tangible or otherwise,” she said.

For instance, she shared the example of getting a new car. You may be very excited about the new car but also sad because of the special memories associated with your old car.

When Emotions Lead Us Astray

Sometimes our emotions can lead us astray. For instance, you might feel guilty about taking care of yourself or feel anxious at a party.

“The thing is, with emotional problems, our ‘thermostat,’ so to speak, often becomes too sensitive, meaning that we start to feel these emotions when they’re not warranted,” said Van Dijk.

Our thoughts and judgments contribute to this, she said. For instance, we judge ourselves for carving out time for self-care (e.g., “I should be cleaning right now”).

Because we judge ourselves we might assume that others are judging us, too, which may contribute to our anxiety at social events, she said.

Listening to Our Emotions

Many of us aren’t very good at listening to our emotions. We simply might not have the practice or we might've internalized unhelpful messages from our family or society. For instance, our culture teaches us that sadness is a bad emotion. Because it’s undesirable or uncomfortable, many people repress it, Kmiecik said.

We also might not listen because we’re consumed with judging ourselves. This triggers “all sorts of secondary emotions,” Van Dijk said. For instance, we get angry with ourselves for feeling anxious or sad or angry.

“[T]hese emotions then get in the way of our being able to even think straight, never mind do something about it!”



Van Dijk shared this exercise – called “The Gatekeeper” – from her book Calming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life. It helps you be more accepting of your emotions, she said.


Practice this mindfulness exercise regularly in order to become more aware of your judgmental thoughts, as well as of your thoughts and emotions in a more general sense.

Sitting or lying down in a comfortable position, start by just noticing your breath. Breathing in, breathing out; slowly, deeply, and comfortably. Just notice the sensations you experience as you breathe — the feeling of the air as it enters your nostrils, passes down your throat and fills your lungs; and then as you exhale, notice the feeling of your lungs deflating, as the air passes back out through your nose or mouth.

After a few moments of focusing on your breathing, start to draw your attention to your thoughts and emotions. Imagine that you are standing at the door of a castle wall. You are in charge of who comes and goes through that door — you are the gatekeeper. What comes through that door isn’t people, though, but your thoughts and feelings.

Now, the idea here isn’t that you’re going to decide which thoughts and feelings get to come in — if they come to the door, they need to be let in, or they’ll just make camp outside that door and continue to bang on the door harder and harder. Instead, the idea is that you greet each thought and feeling as it enters, just acknowledging its presence before the next thought or feeling arrives.

In other words, you accept each experience as it comes — “Anger is at the door,” “Here is sadness,” “Here is a thought about the past,” “And here comes anger again,” and so on. By just noting each experience, just acknowledging what has come up for you, that thought or emotion will pass through the door rather than hanging around. The thought or emotion might come back again and again, but you will see that it doesn’t stay long; it just passes through, and then the next experience arises.

When we accept our emotions, without judgment, we open ourselves up to listening to them and really to ourselves.



0 Comments

5 Steps to Increase Motivation

3/5/2015

0 Comments

 
Published by Laura C. Meyer, on PsychCentral


I hear it all the time: “I’m not motivated.” For many of my clients, they are referring to not having the motivation to perform basic life responsibilities such as paying bills, cleaning the house, making calls, and taking care of their health.

When do they get motivated? When they are in the danger zone. A late fee motivates them to pay bills. When friends come over, or when the house is so disgusting they can’t take it, is when they get motivated to clean. They get motivated to make a call just minutes before a negative consequence, and motivated to take care of their health in times of sickness.


What is really happening is that procrastination has trained the brain to dump adrenaline right before the event, and we get energy to take action. Adrenaline does give us energy, so we wait for the adrenaline dump to get motivated.

Things eventually get done; however, it comes with a huge physical cost, and low-level living that can lead to depression, anxiety, and lack of enjoyment. The undercurrent of daily living is a negative environment. Motivation to get things done comes from the danger zone of fear, worry, and anxiety. This can make life feel dull and hard, keeping the stress cycle of procrastination going and flooding your body with harmful stress hormones.

The good news is that you can change the undercurrent. Here are five steps to increase positive motivation for a healthier, happier life:

1. Educate yourself.

Know that the same human brain that dumps adrenaline has the same to potential to dump happy hormones such as serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine.

Serotonin gets released when you feel significant and important and have a sense of internal satisfaction. Endorphins (endogenous morphine) are the body’s natural opiates designed to relieve stress and enhance pleasure. They get released with certain foods, social connections, and light to moderate exercise. Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals and desires, and gives us pleasure when achieving them. But you have to actually taking some action to release dopamine, even in small increments.

2. Stop the adrenaline dump.

Pay at least one bill every week. This is not about the timely manner in which you pay bills; it’s getting your brain away from the danger zone to stop the adrenaline dump. Clean 10 minutes each day and maybe an hour on the weekend instead of the adrenaline-rushed four-hour “motivated” cleanup. Your brain will have no reason to dump adrenaline at the last minute if you do small increments and you get the benefit of helping your brain release dopamine more often.

3. Become aware of perceptions.

Simply observe thoughts while doing your small increments. Do you perceive the event as dreadful, painful, and boring? If so, you perceive the event as an emotional danger zone, and of course you procrastinate. Your brain also has potential to change thoughts toward perceived mundane activities which make up about 80 percent of daily life — such as eating, showering, cleaning, driving, and walking.

4. Be truthful.

Draw into the truth of the actual experience, not your creative stories about how dreadful it is. When you wash the dishes, feel the warm water. See the suds. Smell the dish soap. Pick up a cup and plate. Lift the cup into the drain board. Clean the cup. Is this really so dreadful?

When you pay bills, go to the bank website. Look at your balance. Open an envelope. See the amount owed. Pick up the checkbook. Reach for a pen. Write letters and numbers. Affix a stamp to the envelope. Walk to the mailbox. Or, lift your fingers a few times to pay online.

5. Tap into gratitude to finalize new perceptions, and know that there is more truth.

You are glad to have children who track mud in the house. You are glad to have a house to clean, to pay for, and for a cell phone bill that keeps you closer to friends and family. You are grateful to have a house that friends want to come to, and glad you have friends. You are glad to have the food that you are cleaning off dishes.

You are glad that you have a body that hugs and kisses, and is able to speak, see, and hear words of gratitude. You are grateful to have all these things, and you are motivated to take care of and appreciate them.


0 Comments

9 Healthy Ways to Deal with Distress

8/27/2014

0 Comments

 
Published by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., on PsychCentral


Dealing with distress is difficult. By its very nature, distress is “great pain, acute suffering and extreme misfortune,” said Casey Radle, LPC, a therapist who specializes in anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.

This serious pain “can hijack our ability to think straight.”

That’s because we shift into survival mode and don’t have access to the problem-solving part of our brains, said Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S, a therapist in Houston, Texas.

“When we are in distress and lack feelings of safety, our thinking brain is hijacked by our emotional limbic system and we move into primitive drives to fight or flight. If we’re too scared, we freeze or get stuck as if we’re just trying to survive the ordeal. Because our thinking brain is offline, this can get very big and out of control.”

Naturally, it’s hard to deal with something so scary. And many of us turn to unhealthy habits — or excessive versions of healthy ones, such as over-exercising — to avoid the pain.

However, there are many relatively simple and healthy strategies. Below are nine tips.

1. Identify your needs.

“When we are in distress, we need something,” said Radle, who practices with Eddins at Eddins Counseling Group.

She gave these examples: We may have an emotional need to feel accepted or heard. We may have a tangible need to have more help around the house. We may have an environmental need for peace and quiet. We may have a psychological need to treat ourselves with kindness.

Naming your needs, Radle said, can be tough. In fact, most of her clients don’t know their needs. Instead, “They tend to get stuck on thoughts of, ‘I wish my life were different. I wish things weren’t this way. I wish I were more _____ or less ____. I just want to be happier.’”

When you’re feeling distressed, Radle suggested asking yourself: “What do I need right now?”

Your automatic response might be: “I need less stress in my life!” or “I just want to be happier!”

If so, keep asking questions: “What does that mean exactly? What does that look like? What does that feel like? What does that entail? How might that be achieved?”

2. Focus on what you want — not on what you don’t.

When thinking about your needs, it can be more helpful to focus on what you need, instead of what you don’t need, Radle said.

She gave this example: “Instead of saying, ‘I don’t want to feel lonely,’ come up with specific ways that you can feel more connected to, supported by, and engaged in your community, circle of friends, and/or family.”

3. Honor your needs.

After you discover what you need, honor it. When applicable, communicate those needs to others, Radle said.

“If you don’t clearly communicate your needs, no one will know how to support you.” We can’t expect people to read our minds, she said. “That isn’t fair to them nor to ourselves.”

4. Get moving.

“When we’re highly stressed moving can help pump more blood and oxygen to the brain and shift into our senses and surroundings to feel grounded and safe,” Eddins said.

What kind of movement you do depends on your preference and circumstance. For instance, if you’re feeling distressed at 3 a.m., it can help to stretch, walk around, jog in place or even wiggle your toes, she said.

5. Develop a nurturing voice.

According to Eddins, “Your inner nurturer starts by validating what you’re feeling [and] offers comforting and soothing statements [and hope].”

She shared these examples: “You’re a good person going through a hard time. You’ll get through this. Let’s just take it one moment at a time; it will be OK.”

You also might create a compassionate figure after a kind person you know, a spiritual guide or a fictional character, Eddins said. Turn to this figure when your thoughts are judgmental or self-critical, she said.

6. Reverse the “Golden Rule.”

Radle suggested reversing the Golden Rule, which states that we should treat others the way we’d like to be treated. “I find that most of my clients are far more compassionate towards others than they are towards themselves.”

Radle defined kindness as being gentle and honest and honoring our needs. This may look different for every person.

Kindness may include asking for help or saying yes or no, she said. For instance, you say yes to a massage and no to preparing a homemade dish for the office potluck.

Kindness may include “telling yourself it’s OK that you’ve gained 10 pounds, that you’re still beautiful and still worthy of attention and affection.”

It may include “acknowledging … that you did something that was hard for you to do, even if no one else noticed or even knew that it was a challenge for you.”

It may include “forgiving yourself for making a mistake and for not being perfect.”

7. Practice a soothing gesture.

“Place your hand over your heart, imagine a positive memory you’ve had and just breathe in and out of your heart, feeling the connection between your hand and your heart,” Eddins said.

8. Practice different perspectives.

When we’re distressed, pain from the past may get reactivated, Eddins said. Then we may “create a number of stories around what is happening, which can be harmful to us and also inaccurate.”

Instead, pause. Consider what you’d say to someone in the same situation, she said. “What would you say to a child? What other perspectives are possible? Can you think of three alternate neutral or positive explanations?”

9. Ground yourself.

“If your distress is so high that you’re feeling unsafe, and unable to access your other resources, you need to ground yourself first,” Eddins said. Grounding simply means anchoring yourself back to the present moment.

Eddins shared these grounding techniques:

  • Run cool or warm water over your hands.
  • Notice your body, such as practicing a body scan or clenching and releasing your fists.
  • Notice five things you can hear; five things you see in the room; five things you sense, such as certain textures touching your skin.
  • Remember words to an inspirational song, quote or poem that helps you feel better.
  • Remember a safe place and describe it in detail using your senses.
  • Count backwards in 7s or 9s.
  • Visualize yourself gliding away on skates, away from the pain you’re currently feeling.
  • Change the TV channel to a soothing show.
  • Change the radio station to something pleasant.
  • Imagine a wall as a buffer between you and your pain.
Dealing with distress isn’t easy. However, you can turn to many healthy, compassionate strategies for support.


** If you or someone you know is struggling with distress, contact Aspen Counseling Services to schedule an Initial Assessment.

0 Comments

Teen Suicide: Out of Sight Is Not Out of Mind

7/16/2014

0 Comments

 
Published by Gabrielle Katz on PsychCentral


As a Master of Social Work student, my first field placement was at an acute mental health inpatient facility on an adolescent unit. Each day I went to my placement, I saw an increasing number of rotating teenagers coming into the hospital due to suicidal ideation or a suicide attempt.

My experience in the adolescent unit showed me just how much suicide affects the teen population. As a result, I have become an advocate for education on, and the prevention of, suicide.

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in America. For every person who dies by suicide, more than 30 others attempt it. While this is the case for the general population in the United States, suicide is the third leading cause of death for those 12-18 years old.

Recently in the news, there have been many articles discussing suicide and reporting on the numerous college students who have died by it. These stories are bringing this epidemic to the forefront.

Every suicide attempt and death affects countless other individuals. Family members, friends, coworkers, and others in the community all suffer the long-lasting consequences of suicidal behaviors.

The problem stems from lack of education. Children and adolescents are unaware of the signs and symptoms; therefore, they are unable to distinguish between suicidal thoughts and other emotions. School-aged children do not know how to get help, which numbers to call, or where to go if they need assistance.

Therefore, education on suicide and certain mental illnesses should be taught in a health course. We are allowed to teach information regarding alcoholic beverages, sexually transmitted diseases, and more to inform our children. Bringing awareness to suicide in an informational way will help people become more knowledgeable and aware of the signs, symptoms and resources available for help.

Adolescents are impulsive and reactive. If students were taught safety and resources surrounding suicide they would at least know what to do if their depression, anxiety or stress overwhelms them to an “I can’t take it anymore” level. Schools need to incorporate suicide and mental health education in their health class curricula.

This does not need to be a psychology class. It should include the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression and how to recognize suicidal ideation. Every student at one point in their school career will at least feel anxious, whether it be over a boy or girl, schoolwork, or being late to school.

Depression and anxiety can become so overwhelming to some people that the only way they know how to get away from the feeling is to contemplate or attempt suicide. We need to teach our children that suicide is not the answer.

For any student, parent or friend reading this and thinking they know someone who is suicidal, please call this number: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org to learn about suicide, the help you can receive, and a practical tool kit to help school staff manage the situation in the aftermath of suicide.

Let’s start talking and making a toolkit of preventative measures for suicide awareness so we do not have to use the toolkit for any more aftermath management. What may be out of sight may not actually be out of mind.



** If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, if it is an emergency, contact 911. Then contact Aspen Counseling Services to schedule an Initial Assessment. 

0 Comments

The Many Faces of Empathy

4/18/2014

0 Comments

 
Published by Susan Donnelly on PsychCentral



While empathy doesn’t come in as many varieties as are found in the cereal aisle, it is no more uniform than it is universal.

Empathy is generally understood as the ability to appreciate the ideas and feelings of another, even if those ideas or feelings are different from one’s own.

It is also volitional — I have to put on someone else’s shoes to be able to walk around in them awhile.

Healthy relationships in general and constructive communication in particular cannot happen without some sort of resonance between people. Establishing resonance can be taxing, but without it things fall apart at some point. We can think of interpersonal or intergroup resonance as falling somewhere along what can be thought of as an empathic continuum.

Along this empathic continuum we have things like sympathy, understanding, pity, sensitivity, acceptance, and compassion. When parents provide this for their children it takes on special importance. Empathy is then called attunement or mirroring, and a young child’s well-being or even survival depends on it.

While all resonance along the empathic continuum is affirmative, some are more costly than others, requiring more or less adjustment of our own personal needs or attitudes. Interpersonal resonance is a skill, a gift, a choice, and a commitment.

On the empathic continuum, pity is the least demanding because it posits a degree of separateness between or among persons or groups. It can be tricky to pity someone with a disability or a serious illness. In the wrong hands, pity can devolve into condescension or even revulsion.

Sympathy implies a harmony of feeling, where we truly commiserate with the feelings of another. However, we may not generalize those feelings to ourselves.

Empathy requires that we suspend our own judgments and emotions about a situation or person, and attempt to walk in their shoes, hence the more volitional aspect of true empathy. Empathy is where resonance really starts to hum. Empathy recognizes there is indeed only six degrees of separation.

Finally, compassion involves a felt desire to alleviate the suffering of another. Compassion requires us to take a bit of another’s suffering and carry it around in our own heart, possibly for a long time. Compassion can also be challenging in that it may call us to confront the causes of another’s suffering, which can include abuse, bigotry, or unjust social and economic structures. Compassion begins with empathic connection, and carries on with committed action.

Just as we can check out the entire cereal aisle, the empathic continuum is neither static nor mutually exclusive. We could be moved to pity by the face of a malnourished child on our screen, and one day end up befriending a struggling child we come to know, right in our own community.


0 Comments

Self-Care and Simple Pleasures to Add to Your Life

3/25/2014

0 Comments

 
Published by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS. on PsychCentral

“Many of us are plagued by cultural messages that doing things that feel good, just for the fun of it, is irresponsible and self-indulgent,” writes editor Karen Bouris in her book 31 Words to Create a Guilt-Free Life: Finding the Freedom to Be Your Most Powerful Self.

When we finally have some free time, we wonder what work we should fill it with. Should I pick up around the house? Do the laundry? Dust? Work on another project? Pay the bills?

It feels strange or unfamiliar to do the things we like, to rest, to take a nap during the day, to take a day off.

I have to remind myself of the same thing: It’s OK to take a break. It’s OK to do nothing or to savor something wonderful. It’s OK to let pleasure into your life.

In fact, according to Karen, “It’s an essential facet of our overall well-being.”

In the book, she suggests making a “pleasures list” with up to 100 things you truly enjoy. I say challenge yourself to create a list of 100simple pleasures. Karen uses the examples of having an ice cream cone on a hot day, cuddling with your cat, taking a tour at the museum and reading a book at the park.

Consider adding activities you enjoy doing during different seasons. In the wintertime, you might add savoring potato soup, making snow angels and sipping hot chocolate. In the spring, you might include hiking your favorite trail, riding your bike, picking strawberries and visiting the zoo.

In the summer, you might include going to the farmer’s market, making guacamole, eating watermelon, reading on your back porch, collecting seashells at the beach and savoring fruit salad. In the fall, you might add taking photos of the changing leaves, going apple-picking, burning cranberry scented candles and baking a pumpkin pie.

Once you have your list, start integrating those small pleasures into your life, Karen writes. “Even on busy days, try to find time to sing along with the radio or call your best friend (or whatever it is that you can do to add a splash of pleasure into your day!).”

Here are other ideas:

  • listening to music while driving
  • savoring a piece of dark chocolate while sipping your favorite coffee
  • drinking a glass of wine
  • visiting a botanical garden
  • browsing a used bookstore
  • browsing the library
  • getting a massage
  • taking a yoga class
  • cuddling on the couch with a good book
  • buying a new journal
  • planting flowers
  • buying yourself a bouquet
  • watching the sunset
  • sleeping in
  • watching your favorite cartoon from childhood while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (cut in triangles, of course) and drinking chocolate milk
  • re-reading your favorite poem
  • taking a dance break
  • going on a weekend getaway to a nearby city
  • making your own face scrub and applying it
  • going to a music festival
  • having lunch by the lake
0 Comments

How to Get a Friend to See a Therapist

12/30/2013

0 Comments

 
Published by Sophie Henshaw, DPsych, on PsychCentral
You probably regularly come across people who need professional help. They may be in the midst of a crisis, an important relationship isn’t working, they are emotionally unstable or their behavior is erratic. When drugs or alcohol are involved, especially around children, then it’s critical to take action.

However, it’s not easy to say to someone “I think you should see a therapist.”

It may offend them, shame them or disrupt your relationship. Your friend may hear: “You think there’s something wrong with me” and get angry, defensive or vehemently deny there’s a problem.

Rarely does a direct approach work in these circumstances.

To get the outcome you want, you need to attentively listen to the person complain about the problem in order to find a non-confronting way in. Focus on normalizing the problem — making it seem like a normal, everyday behavior — and creating an alliance with the person. Do not be tempted to offer advice, which comes across as “I’m normal; you’re not.”

For example, if you hear your friend complain about a relationship, you might say something like: “I know what you mean; I’ve come across that before. You know, I was reading something about that just the other day and I found it very informative. Would you like me to send you the link?”

Once your friend feels like you’re on her side and she doesn’t feel “bad” or “wrong” about having the problem, you can enter into a second level of encouragement, such as: “I’ve heard from a friend that “X” is a real expert in this area and deals with this stuff all the time. I’m even thinking about seeing her myself. I wonder what she would make of it? She might help to give you a different perspective.”

A gentle and sensitive approach works well to open another up to alternative ways of viewing the problem. This is especially the case when you are the main support person and your friend is leaning way too heavily on you. You may be feeling overwhelmed and not know what to do. The advice you give is unhelpful and it seems like your whole relationship revolves around the problem. You never discuss anything else, your own needs are ignored and you can’t cope with the hour-long phone calls late at night anymore. So how do you say: “I’ve had enough” in an effective and compassionate way?

As a rule of thumb, consider if this problem is something that an adult could and realistically should take responsibility for. After all, the problem is hers, not yours. Reflect on what is happening within you that is allowing you to be so put upon. Are you a “knight in shining armor”? Do you have a need to be needed? Are you driven by a desire for control?

A careful consideration of the secondary gains you might be receiving from participating in a draining relationship is an essential first step. What started out as you “doing the right thing” ends up dragging you down and it’s serving neither you nor the person you are “helping.” You have gone beyond kindness into neediness as well as denying her the opportunity to take responsibility for her own growth.

Therefore, it’s in both your best interests to implement a firm boundary and allow another, more objective person to step in and help, either for her alone or both of you. A way out is to listen carefully for a request for something that you are unable to provide. For example, if she comes to you with an issue that is out of your depth (e.g., domestic violence), say: “I don’t know that I can be of much help there. This problem is out of my depth. However, I do know someone who knows a lot about that sort of thing — how about I get her to give you a call? She might suggest something I haven’t thought of.”

Then institute an appropriate referral as soon as you can. The sooner you can allow her to get appropriate help, the sooner you can breathe, relax and heal.



** If you or someone you know is struggling, contact Aspen Counseling Services to schedule an Initial Assessment.

0 Comments

Most Teen Mental Health Problems Go Untreated

12/23/2013

0 Comments

 
Published by Rick Nauert, Ph.D. on PsychCentral

A Duke University review of a survey involving more than 10,000 American teenagers reveals that more than half of adolescents with psychiatric disorders receive no treatment of any sort.

Moreover, when treatment does occur, the providers are rarely mental health specialists, said Dr. E. Jane Costello, a Duke University professor of psychology and epidemiology, the study leader.

The country’s mental health system has come under scrutiny in recent years following a string of mass shootings in which mental illness seems to have played a role.

The new study, published online in the journal Psychiatric Services, underlines the need for better mental health services for adolescents, Costello said.

“It’s still the case in this country that people don’t take psychiatric conditions as seriously as they should,” Costello said.

“This, despite the fact that these conditions are linked to a whole host of other problems.”

Costello noted that not all teens in the study fared the same. Treatment rates varied greatly for different mental disorders, for instance.

Adolescents with ADHD, conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder received mental health care more than 70 percent of the time.

By contrast, teens suffering from phobias or anxiety disorders were the least likely to be treated.

Results also varied greatly by race, with black youths significantly less likely to be treated for mental disorders than white youths.

The care that teenagers received also varied greatly.

In many cases, care was provided by pediatricians, school counselors or probation officers rather than by people with specialized mental health training. There simply are not enough qualified child mental health professionals to go around, Costello said.

“We need to train more child psychiatrists in this country,” Costello said. “And those individuals need to be used strategically, as consultants to the school counselors and others who do the lion’s share of the work.”



** If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health issue, contact Aspen Counseling Services to schedule an Initial Assessment.

0 Comments

What Happens When We Grieve

11/20/2013

0 Comments

 
Published by Christina Rasmussen on PsychCentral

Every person on this earth experiences tragedy and loss. Nobody is excluded from the painful feeling of grief. It is a disorienting experience. It takes away our identity and our own understanding of self.

That’s why people always say that grief lasts forever. That is absolutely not true. Grief does not last forever — only confusion and fear can last forever.

When my husband died in 2006 everyone told me that I was never to stop grieving. That time is the only healer and I was to wait. And I waited for time to heal me, but nothing happened. Time did not heal my wounds. Surprisingly, action did. I had to explain the sequence of events for myself and for the many people I help live again after loss.

There are three phases to healthy recovery after a loss.

First, we exit our old life. Our loss forces us to leave behind the life we’ve been living. The normal routines of everyday life are disrupted. Some people believe that where we end up after that push-out of the old life is the next phase of life. But unfortunately, that’s not true. In this confused and lonely state, we only end up in the space between two lives.

Second, we begin living in a gap between lives — the life we left behind and the life we have yet to enter. I like to call this space the Waiting Room. When we’re in the Waiting Room, we’re still attached to the past — which is already gone forever – even as we’re trying to figure out what the future looks like.

In this place, we struggle with our new reality, thinking that it is our new life. We are unable to see ourselves clearly and make decisions as we used to. The brain’s ability to plan and reason is temporarily gone.

Third, we begin to experiment with our new life. This is perhaps the scariest aspect of life after loss, because so much is unknown and has been taken on faith. Little by little, we begin stepping out of the Waiting Room and entering a new reality. We start to do this early on, even though we haven’t fully landed in the new life yet.

While these three phases address life after loss, the important things to look at for recovery are what happens to the mind. The trauma of any event that slams the door shut on an aspect of the past — a divorce or a death — leaves its mark on the brain. We are left with uncertainty. We don’t yet know what life will be like. We are afraid to take action and start over. Ultimately it is not the grief that stops us from starting life over, but fear of losing that life all over again.

Before we can really begin going through the process of reentry into life, it is important to understand the relationship between fear and the brain. The amygdalae, which are almond-shaped masses of gray matter inside each cerebral hemisphere, help us process sensory input — to determine whether what we are experiencing is safe or dangerous. They do this by comparing what is happening in the moment to past experiences we’ve had.

If an experience is deemed safe, we react in one way; if it is deemed dangerous, we react in a different way. When the amygdalae sense a threat, they trigger the secretion of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, which stimulate the fight-or-flight response, putting us fully on alert for danger.

Unfortunately, after a great loss, the world is uncertain and confusing. Everything seems like a threat because all you knew –that you were going to be with your love forever, that you were healthy, that you were safe — is now different. After loss, we perceive the entire world as dangerous because the amygdalae instantly compare new experiences with this trauma and what it meant in your life. This wears in the neutral pathways of fear, making the perception of danger easier for your brain, thus causing you to perceive danger where there isn’t actually anything to fear. This unconscious habit of fear is what keeps people stuck in grief — stuck in the Waiting Room that is the second phase of life after loss.

While you wait in the Waiting Room, you get increasingly comfortable. This is your safe place. Some Waiting Rooms are actually quite cozy after we settle into them. Metaphorically speaking, if you can imagine it, they look like living rooms with nice, big couches and flat screen TVs. You go to your Waiting Room initially to be safe while you adjust to your loss. But soon enough, your brain begins to associate stepping outside of this space as dangerous. We want to avoid pain, so the brain tries to anticipate bad situations before they happen. We stay in the Waiting Room for fear of risking future loss. Unfortunately, the longer you stay, the harder it is to start over.

All of us have to dance with our instincts to figure out when to leap and when to stay put. That’s the challenge of being human and having a brain that evolved for survival. Having gone through a devastating loss, the brain feels threatened. It does not like to have its beliefs challenged, because it uses these beliefs to guard against threats to our safety. The life that we are looking at after loss challenges the beliefs we had prior to the loss, so the brain does everything it knows how to do to fight against the emergence of the new life. Our survival instincts are so strong that we can be stuck for years.need to learn how to ignore perceived threats that come from stepping into the new life, and how to distinguish them from real threats.

You can move out of the Waiting Room by gradually learning to let goof your fear as you practice doing things that are different from your too-comfortable, self-protective routines. You have to learn to overcome your natural fear of change. This is the basis of my Life Reentry Model, and it allows you take an active and strategic role in redefining your life after loss. It makes you able to create a launch pad from which you can create the life you desire.

Living fully again after loss should be the only way forward. Grief is an inhuman experience taking place in a human body. What happens next is evolutionary. We can become fearless and driven to create the best life possible because of the losses we have had, certainly not despite them.

In my book Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again I take the readers on a journey out of the old life and into a new one, teaching readers how to use their brains to create the life they so deserve. We have all the tools we need right within us — not just our hearts and souls, but about our brain maps, our thoughts and the words we use to create our world every single day.



** If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, contact Aspen Counseling Services to schedule an Initial Assessment.

0 Comments

    Aspen Counseling Services

    Aspen Counseling Services specializes in working with Children, Adolescents, and Families.

    Archives

    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    ADD
    Addiction
    Addiction Recovery
    ADHD
    Alcohol
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Assertiveness
    Autism
    Betrayal
    Bullying
    Children
    Codependency
    Communication
    Defiance
    Depression
    Drugs
    Eating Disorders
    Electronics
    Family
    Friendships
    Gender/identity
    Grief
    Guilt/shame
    Humility
    Kindness
    Marriage
    Meditation
    Men
    Mental Development
    Mental Health
    Military
    Mindfulness
    Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
    Obsessive Thoughts
    Optimism
    Parenting
    Personality Disorders
    Phobias
    Pornography Addiction
    Prescription Drug Abuse
    Ptsd
    Relationships
    Role Models
    Self Esteem
    Self-esteem
    Self Harm
    Self-harm
    Stress
    Suicide
    Teens
    Trauma
    Validation
    Women
    Workplace

    RSS Feed

Home   |   About Us   |   Therapists    |   Location   |   Specialties   |   Resources   |   Contact Us   |   Blog
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression & Mental Health Counseling | Child Sexual Abuse, Anxiety, Teen therapy | Group Therapy Utah | Family Therapist Salt Lake | Divorce, Marriage and Relationship Problems, Blended Family Issues| Alcohol & Pornography Addiction Counseling | ADD Assessment, Teletherapy, Drug and Alcohol Assessment, NOJOS Affiliate
Aspen Counseling Services
66 South 360 East
American Fork, UT 84003
Phone: (801) 449-0017
Fax: (877) 407-0406
​info@aspencounselingservices.com
© 2010 Aspen Counseling Services, LLC. All rights reserved
✕