I just did an article on dealing with a narcissist and I got a HUGE onslaught of readers who were wondering if they were married to or in a relationship with a narcissist. It would make sense then for you to be feeling confused, overwhelmed, and lonely. So, I thought I would hook you guys up with a checklist and a good resource.
To see if your spouse/partner may suffer from this, here are 10 characteristics that you may find in someone with this issue:
1. They are usually very controlling.
2. They think that their way is definitely the right way to do something.
3. They are extremely prideful and love to be the center of attention.
4. They are hostile and accusatory when anyone challenges them.
5. They seem to find others’ open expression of feelings as weakness. If they show their vulnerabilities, it is rare and often use it as a tool to manipulate. Or, they get immediately overwhelmed and embarrassed afterwards and act out to protect themselves.
6. They are overly impressed by titles, degrees, and accomplishments. They see external determinants of success as being the most significant identifications of overall “success” in life. People not in that category are not worthy of their attention.
7. They lack empathy. They really can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes or see something from someone’s else’s perspective.
8. They know how to make others feel bad about themselves or how to trigger others’ insecurities.
9. They see vulnerability as an opportunity to lay claim and manipulate.
10. They are arrogant. Everything is someone else’s problem or issue. They are always innocent.
If you are codependent, you will be extremely susceptible to being in a relationship with a martyr. I say opposites attract. Ross Rosenberg has a book that describes this dynamic well with the title, The Human Magnet Syndrome.
Loving someone with these issues is tough if you are a caring, compassionate person. You pick up on the hurt and pain that has created these character disabilities. On some level, you could feel bad that they are so embittered and harmed and that they struggle and inflict such terrible damage to themselves and others. Sadly, this empathy and insight could end up damaging you.